So I’m listening to the radio on my way home from work the other day, and the announcer is pitching a story from the nightly news in that “shocked, shocked!” voice they always use: “Suburban soccer moms, hooked on prescription drugs!”
And I’m thinking: Dude, have you heard of the Rolling Stones? The had this little ditty called “Mother’s Little Helper”, see. It came out FORTY FRIGGIN’ YEARS ago! I hate to say you’re behind the times, but damn!
The next sentence really go my attention: “The Internet makes them easy to get…”
Ah, yes. We all remember the time before Tim Berners-Lee knocked the lid from Pandora’s box, an unbroken era of peace and tranquility, when no one every used drugs, viewed pornography, or voted Republican. Allow me to use the magic of allcaps to explain that THE INTERNET MAKES EVERYTHING EASIER, DUMBASS! You want to find an out of print book? Use the Internet. You want to find a friend who’s interested in macrame portraits of Michael Moore? Use the Internet. You want Paris Hilton’s cell phone number? Use the Denny’s men’s room, third stall from the end.
The Internet: the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.
You want proof the evening news has become dumbed down? Two years ago, Dan Rather led off the CBS Evening News with, and this is a direct quote, “Six inches of snow in New England in January. What’s wrong with our weather?”
IT’S F***ING JANUARY IN NEW ENGLAND, STUPID! IT’S SUPPOSED TO SNOW SIX INCHES!!!!
don’t need to discusssss mucccchhh.
News people are just so blind to reality. And that’s sad, becasue that’s all they talk about. Mountians out of molehills allthe time. Unless it’ss really important. Then they don’t say a word.
And I hate weather reporters.
“We’re interrupting (name of anything really important her) to break in and let youknow that it might rain.
Later
so close all your windows and tune in for updates”
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