My dad lives forty miles from his office. He hits the city limits and is out in the country ten minutes after he heads home. Over most of the remaining distance, he shares the road with no more than a dozen cars, trucks, etc.

I live forty miles from my office. I live just inside the city limits of Fort Worth, which is as far out into the country as I get on my drive. Most days, I share the road with several thousand other frustrated, pissed-off drivers. Which leaves me plenty of time to come up with The Top 10 Signs You Live Too Far From Work:

10: It’s dark when you leave the house, and you as you drive you watch the sun rise. And set. And rise again.

9: An increase in gas prices of one cent reduces your net income by $2,000 per year.

8: Your home is only a long-distance call away (NOTE: this one is true).

7: Every morning you take coffee and a snack with you for the ride. In a gallon jug and a picnic basket.

6: Your Books On Tape selections exclusively feature Russian novels.

5: Just like NASCAR, you have to make frequent pit stops to change tires.

4: You get home in the evening after your kids’ bedtime, and after your wife’s boyfriend has come and gone.

3: You can give a fifteen minute presentation, complete with charts and graphs, on “Why It’s Better To Leave At 6:22am Than 6:25am”.

2: Your side job involves calculating “quickest routes” for Expedia.com.

And the number one sign:

1: You use a prosthetic middle finger to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome.

UPDATE: I drove home from work just after midnight on Tuesday (9/23). I probably faced as much traffic going home as my dad does at 5 pm.