A good friend of mine got married this weekend. As usual, I wasn’t able to attend, due to a combination of kids (no time) / wife (no money). So instead, a rerun of The Top Ten Reasons I Can’t Make It To (Your Name Here)’s Wedding:
10. Can’t leave state; condition of parole.
9. Overslept.
8. Missed the left turn in Albuquerque.
7. Prospect of 20 hours in car with Gina (my wife) has nearly driven me to suicide.
6. Banned from weddings after incident where I shouted, “It’s too late for me, but for God’s sake, save yourself!”
5. Got directions from referee from Patriots/Raiders game (fuuuuumble!).
4. That’s my poker night.
3. Afraid Gina would drink too much at reception and start dancing. Lap dancing.
2. Leg cramp.
And the number one reason I can’t make it to your wedding:
